Balancing the burnout

Balance, I think, is a hard thing to accomplish with AuDHD and add on top of that, with neurodivergent kids. The hardest thing for me is balancing my avoidant, routine, and social struggling self with my sensory seeking, impulsive, social kid. The times where I want (and need) to have quiet time and be home, they are wanting to go out and play and see friends. Enter mom-guilt and putting the kids first, we carry on and push through and help them have their needs met. But, what does that mean for us? Well, as we edge closer and closer to burnout, taking whatever time we have for our needs is so critical.

My past self would go go go meeting the kids needs and doing all of the mom things (plus work and whatever other obligations I had on top of it) and not even giving the smallest amount of thought to what my needs were. But, in the end, that served absolutely no one because, while things are good while I'm in go mode, when I pass that (very fine) line to burnout, it's all over. And I don't like myself in burnout mode. I'm exhausted (or whatever word means more than exhausted), irritable, (often) sick, and I can't even complete the most basic of day-to-day tasks.

So, what do we do? How do we manage? I think the first thing for me was recognizing what my needs were and knowing that having boundaries for what I am physically and mentally able to accomplish is a good thing. Understanding more about what my needs are allows me to accommodate for myself, but, also allows me to teach the kids about boundaries and about understanding what their needs are and that they don't have to be afraid (hello, we are not raising people-pleasing kids!) to speak up for themselves and what their needs are. I can now recognize when I'm inching too close to burnout and really allow myself to tone things down, take things off the calendar, take naps, and just have quiet time. We can have a day where we have things going on and can do all the social things, and then we take a day to just lounge around at home and have that low sensory kind of day. I also really cherish the hour or two that I have to just "turn off" between when the kids go to bed and when I go to bed. Any and all times where we can tune into our needs as a neurodivergent person are so important.

I think, at the end of the day, balance with AuDhd (plus neurodivergent kids) is not really a thing. But, allowing yourself to accommodate for your needs all while being a parent, that's where the balance lies. It's so important to understand yourself and what your needs are so that you don't have so many run-ins with burnout, because we know as parents that burnout is so hard to come out of when you still have obligations in the form of little humans you need to raise.

I've learned over the years that things are hard but knowing and understanding what your needs are is so helpful. Speak up for what you want and need, because you deserve to have that. And most of all, be kind to yourself.